Cuffed and Stuffed In Raytown, MO

The day was just like any other day. We were selling in Raytown, MO, a tiny suburb of Kansas City, MO. I was working a typical neighborhood. Some people not home, others pretending to not be home, others asking for a card saying they will get back to you (they never do), and the occasional sale.

I had just left my sale, walked around the corner and knocked on the first door on the next street. No one was home so I proceeded to the next house when all the sudden I see blue lights coming toward me. This is not unusual in Kansas City so I didn’t think much of it until he stopped in front of me.

Officer Clear, a five foot one inch bean pole with little-man syndrome, jumped out of his squad car leaving his door open and lights running. He quickly walked over to me with his tiny little legs and informed me I was under arrest. I laughed at first thinking that one of my fellow salesmen talked him into playing a joke on me. I realized he was serious by the look on his face and him asking me to place my hands behind my back.

I asked what time it was thinking that I was perhaps knocking too late into the afternoon; some towns have laws about this. He said, “It’s not about the time, you don’t have a permit.” I thought this was a little weird considering the fact that he never asked for a permit and that I had an ID badge around my neck with the state permit number on it.

I motioned to my badge with my head due to the fact that my hands were now cuffed behind my back. He didn’t look at it; he just said it wasn’t good enough. I was getting a little tired of his vague answers when he decided to continue. Officer Clear explained that he saw my boss on the next street over and told him that we didn’t have the right kind of permit for the area and that if he caught anyone selling he would arrest them without warning. I try my luck by arguing with the Officer as politely as I could. I see it’s going nowhere fast so I shut up.

At this point in the explanation I get a text message. Officer Clear pulls the phone from my pocket, I see the text is from Steve and ask the officer to flip open my phone. He does so and sets it on the hood of his car with the rest of my things.

The text says, “Stop knocking. Cops r arresting ppl.”

Great advice… a little late though. Steve happened to drive by a minute later and stopped. He also tried to talk the officer into dropping the whole thing but to no avail. Officer Clear seemed to be enjoying this. Steve left and said he’d come by the police station soon to bail me out.

After writing out a criminal citation the officer was ready to take me downtown. He is about to put me in the back of the squad car when he sees my knife clipped to my pocket and takes it. He continues to move to the open backseat door when I ask him if he wants my gun too.

Clearly startled by the realization that his “collar” was carrying a concealed weapon, he asked where it was. I told him where it was and where my permit was. I then spent the next ten minutes educating him on the local gun laws he supposedly enforces when he isn’t harassing businessmen. I was shocked at his lack of knowledge on the topic. First he said my Washington State permit was not valid. I explained the law that says it is and that I already double checked it with the Sherriff’s office. Then there was a complaint about not having the weapon registered. I had to explain that neither Washington nor Missouri register firearms. My suspicion that this guy was an idiot was being confirmed with every passing second.

When the handgun debacle was over he put me in the back of the car… Without frisking me. That in itself is a big no-no in police work, and another confirmation of the pile of idiocy that was about to drive me to lockup.

We arrive at the police station 10 minutes later and he puts me in a holding cell with four other detainees. Still no pat down. I could have passed off drugs or weapons to other criminals at this point. He comes back and does a search and processes me into their system. I wondered who else in here he failed to search.

I’m allowed my phone call and I give my boss, Steve, a ring. He said that as soon as he picks everyone up then they’d be on their way.

“No big deal,” I think, it’s only 5:30 now so maybe an hour or two tops.

Two hours later and still no Steve. The other people in lockup tell me why they are there and agree that it was ridiculous to bring me in. The tweaker there on a hit and run especially thought the cop was a idiot and was quite vocal about it. To be fair, he hates most cops anyway.

Another hour goes by and I am bored out of my mind with nothing to do but sit and stare at the wall. They allow me another phone call. Steve says they are on their way. A little longer than I expected to be in jail, but still not a big deal. All the other prisoners were gone by now; either bailed out or transferred to the county jail to stay overnight.

At around 9:30 I overhear some of the jail workers say something to someone about only taking cash. A few minutes later a large, angry lady tells me through the two inch plexi-glass that my brother was going to leave and come back with the money. I thought it was a little messed up that my boss was sending my brother to bail me out.

The butch police woman also said, “If he ain’t back in 56 minutes you gunna have to go down to county and spend the night. They can pick you up in the morning.”

This got me a little worried. Having no idea what was going on with Steve and my brother, Scott, I watched the clock. The minutes ticked by and I really did not want to spend the night in jail.

At about 10:25 I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to get transferred and would be spending the night in jail. Having never been in jail before I had spent much of the past hour thinking about how I was going to defend myself from hardened criminals and anal rape. The thoughts became more real with every passing minute.

All the sudden, at 10:29 another jail worker comes back, hands me an evidence bag full of my things, and tells me I am free to go. I couldn’t believe they made it.

I was finally out of jail. Unfortunately Firstline would jerk me around by not getting me a lawyer until after I tried to defend myself and got a continuance. But the charges were eventually dropped and I kept the bail money Firstline had put up.