In case you didn't catch it, part 1 was two weeks ago...read it before you read this weeks post. To catch you up if you did read it, when we last left our hero, he had just knocked on the next door...
The door creaked open to an elderly woman with thin, white hair and glasses thicker than my arm. She quietly asked what I was doing out on such a hot day and invited me inside. Perfect, I thought, this will be an easy one. Once inside a house it usually only took me a few minutes to get the sale made and I could be on my way, but this sale wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.
“Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” She asked again as she handed me a drink of water. I started into my pitch, pointing out flaws in home design that made her house susceptible to break-ins and the benefits of our alarm system as she listened intently to what I had to say.
“Now you can use this system to contact the police or ambulance for anything, whether it be a medical emergency or for the police, and they can talk to you anywhere in the house through the speaker we’ll put right here!” I was acting excited as I spoke, getting ready to make my second sale of the day, when she said it sounded good. I pulled out the paperwork and asked her name just in time for her to run back to the kitchen.
I sipped my water as I waited, and she returned from the kitchen with a glass of water in hand. I assumed it was for her, but she handed it to me and asked “Now what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I paused as I took the second water glass and took a quick look around…calendars were pegged to the wall from as early as 1998, a large bottle of pills set open on the table…I realized I was in a very grey area when it came to sales. The last thing I wanted was for this old woman to wake up one day and wonder why the hell an alarm went off every time she tried to leave the house. I went through my pitch again to test the waters while getting started on the paperwork. I figured if she was lucid for a few minutes and did want the alarm I had better be prepared.
“So you can talk to cops or whoever through the system…do you want it?” I quickly asked, before the entire conversation was lost in the abyss.
“Sure I do! It sounds great!” She replied, as I silently celebrated as I asked for her information. About halfway thorough the paperwork she got up to go to the kitchen, and I decided I’d better expedite the process if I wanted to make this work. I downed the two waters sitting in front of me just in time for her to hand me a third as she asked “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I began to speed through my pitch only to have her exit once more to the kitchen. I quickly dumped my third into a nearby plant as she exited and waited patiently for my 4th glass of water.
“Now, what are you—“ I cut her short and went straight into it.
“It’s a security alarm, do you want it?” I asked bluntly, to which she surprisingly said yes. We finished the paperwork and I called our main office to schedule the technician to come out and install the alarm before she forgot about it again. I wanted things to go quickly before she walked into the kitchen for more water and took my sale with her. In my haste to get things done so quickly I neglected to realize the dreaded confirmation call…a call between the office and the customer to make sure I had explained everything properly and there was no surprise when the customer was billed $45 a month from now. I cringed as I turned to hand the old woman the phone to see her offering me another glass of water.
“Hello?” She spoke into the receiver as I sipped on what felt like the 10th gallon of water I had drank in that home. I listened inconspicuously to the conversation, only to hear her ask “now what is this for again?” I hung my head in agony over the 45 minutes I had just wasted pushing this sale on this poor old woman, when she responded “well I’ve always wanted one of those! That sounds fabulous!” I looked up in shock as she agreed to all the charges and she handed the phone back to me. I quickly hung up as our installer arrived, and sure enough he was greeted by a glass of cold water and an inquisitive old lady, who wondered “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I quickly informed her she had purchased an alarm system and slipped out the door before any objections could be raised.
I wish the story ended there, me with a sale and an old lady with a direct line to a police and ambulance dispatcher, but her son, who doubled as her caretaker, arrived home moments before the installation was complete. He swore up and down and me, claiming I had taken advantage of an old woman who didn’t know what was going on. To my credit, she actually defended us and didn’t care what she had bought, “I’ve got all the money in the world and these nice boys can take it for all I care.” Unfortunately, seconds after this statement, she handed me a glass of water and asked “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?”
Thus ended my life as a door-to-door salesman.
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