Goodreads Book Giveaway
Get the Hell Off my Porch
by The Brothers Boyce
Giveaway ends September 15, 2013.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Book available for sale
It has been a long time coming but...
The book is available for sale!
Here it is in paperback on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Get-Hell-off-Porch-Adventures/dp/1479190039/
Or buy it directly from createspace.com:
https://www.createspace.com/3501185
Plus, it is available on Kindle:
http://www.amazon.com/Get-Hell-off-Porch-ebook/dp/B00B7OW5XI/
So many options! Get your copy and let us know what you think!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Editing!
Chet and Scott have locked themselves in their basement with several six-packs of root beer, three pies, and some hard-copies of the compilation of their book! Editing has been going for about 6 hours now, and so far they are about half-way done with finalizing all the changes! This means all those grammar and spelling mistakes the readers emailed them about relentlessly which they never had the time or energy to change will be corrected! So horray for the grammar police.
Tons of new stories have been written as well. They include stories about Chet and Scott's freaky-wierd roomate, a story entitled "The Tech, the Witch, and the Notebook," along with a great recap of the end of their summer sales adventures and where they are now.
Keep any eye on the future updates for information on when the book is going to be in print and when you can pick up your very own!
Tons of new stories have been written as well. They include stories about Chet and Scott's freaky-wierd roomate, a story entitled "The Tech, the Witch, and the Notebook," along with a great recap of the end of their summer sales adventures and where they are now.
Keep any eye on the future updates for information on when the book is going to be in print and when you can pick up your very own!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Surprise!
As hectic as our lives have become being in law school and in the military it may LOOK like we abandoned this project...
but instead of posting here we have been busy compiling a book! That's right! All your favorite stories in one convenient location, plus a few new ones to keep the laughs coming!
Keep checking back for the official announcement of when it will be available to purchase and where to get it at!
but instead of posting here we have been busy compiling a book! That's right! All your favorite stories in one convenient location, plus a few new ones to keep the laughs coming!
Keep checking back for the official announcement of when it will be available to purchase and where to get it at!
Friday, May 14, 2010
We've been busy
Chet is in the Marines, and he just started TBS, which consists of 100 hour weeks until November, and Scott just went through finals...more stories are coming, we promise!
Stories coming soon:
My adventure with Ashley Furniture
The day we realized we were Screwed
Stories coming soon:
My adventure with Ashley Furniture
The day we realized we were Screwed
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Last Day in Hell (a.k.a Kansas City): Part 2
In case you didn't catch it, part 1 was two weeks ago...read it before you read this weeks post. To catch you up if you did read it, when we last left our hero, he had just knocked on the next door...
The door creaked open to an elderly woman with thin, white hair and glasses thicker than my arm. She quietly asked what I was doing out on such a hot day and invited me inside. Perfect, I thought, this will be an easy one. Once inside a house it usually only took me a few minutes to get the sale made and I could be on my way, but this sale wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.
“Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” She asked again as she handed me a drink of water. I started into my pitch, pointing out flaws in home design that made her house susceptible to break-ins and the benefits of our alarm system as she listened intently to what I had to say.
“Now you can use this system to contact the police or ambulance for anything, whether it be a medical emergency or for the police, and they can talk to you anywhere in the house through the speaker we’ll put right here!” I was acting excited as I spoke, getting ready to make my second sale of the day, when she said it sounded good. I pulled out the paperwork and asked her name just in time for her to run back to the kitchen.
I sipped my water as I waited, and she returned from the kitchen with a glass of water in hand. I assumed it was for her, but she handed it to me and asked “Now what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I paused as I took the second water glass and took a quick look around…calendars were pegged to the wall from as early as 1998, a large bottle of pills set open on the table…I realized I was in a very grey area when it came to sales. The last thing I wanted was for this old woman to wake up one day and wonder why the hell an alarm went off every time she tried to leave the house. I went through my pitch again to test the waters while getting started on the paperwork. I figured if she was lucid for a few minutes and did want the alarm I had better be prepared.
“So you can talk to cops or whoever through the system…do you want it?” I quickly asked, before the entire conversation was lost in the abyss.
“Sure I do! It sounds great!” She replied, as I silently celebrated as I asked for her information. About halfway thorough the paperwork she got up to go to the kitchen, and I decided I’d better expedite the process if I wanted to make this work. I downed the two waters sitting in front of me just in time for her to hand me a third as she asked “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I began to speed through my pitch only to have her exit once more to the kitchen. I quickly dumped my third into a nearby plant as she exited and waited patiently for my 4th glass of water.
“Now, what are you—“ I cut her short and went straight into it.
“It’s a security alarm, do you want it?” I asked bluntly, to which she surprisingly said yes. We finished the paperwork and I called our main office to schedule the technician to come out and install the alarm before she forgot about it again. I wanted things to go quickly before she walked into the kitchen for more water and took my sale with her. In my haste to get things done so quickly I neglected to realize the dreaded confirmation call…a call between the office and the customer to make sure I had explained everything properly and there was no surprise when the customer was billed $45 a month from now. I cringed as I turned to hand the old woman the phone to see her offering me another glass of water.
“Hello?” She spoke into the receiver as I sipped on what felt like the 10th gallon of water I had drank in that home. I listened inconspicuously to the conversation, only to hear her ask “now what is this for again?” I hung my head in agony over the 45 minutes I had just wasted pushing this sale on this poor old woman, when she responded “well I’ve always wanted one of those! That sounds fabulous!” I looked up in shock as she agreed to all the charges and she handed the phone back to me. I quickly hung up as our installer arrived, and sure enough he was greeted by a glass of cold water and an inquisitive old lady, who wondered “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I quickly informed her she had purchased an alarm system and slipped out the door before any objections could be raised.
I wish the story ended there, me with a sale and an old lady with a direct line to a police and ambulance dispatcher, but her son, who doubled as her caretaker, arrived home moments before the installation was complete. He swore up and down and me, claiming I had taken advantage of an old woman who didn’t know what was going on. To my credit, she actually defended us and didn’t care what she had bought, “I’ve got all the money in the world and these nice boys can take it for all I care.” Unfortunately, seconds after this statement, she handed me a glass of water and asked “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?”
Thus ended my life as a door-to-door salesman.
The door creaked open to an elderly woman with thin, white hair and glasses thicker than my arm. She quietly asked what I was doing out on such a hot day and invited me inside. Perfect, I thought, this will be an easy one. Once inside a house it usually only took me a few minutes to get the sale made and I could be on my way, but this sale wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought.
“Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” She asked again as she handed me a drink of water. I started into my pitch, pointing out flaws in home design that made her house susceptible to break-ins and the benefits of our alarm system as she listened intently to what I had to say.
“Now you can use this system to contact the police or ambulance for anything, whether it be a medical emergency or for the police, and they can talk to you anywhere in the house through the speaker we’ll put right here!” I was acting excited as I spoke, getting ready to make my second sale of the day, when she said it sounded good. I pulled out the paperwork and asked her name just in time for her to run back to the kitchen.
I sipped my water as I waited, and she returned from the kitchen with a glass of water in hand. I assumed it was for her, but she handed it to me and asked “Now what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I paused as I took the second water glass and took a quick look around…calendars were pegged to the wall from as early as 1998, a large bottle of pills set open on the table…I realized I was in a very grey area when it came to sales. The last thing I wanted was for this old woman to wake up one day and wonder why the hell an alarm went off every time she tried to leave the house. I went through my pitch again to test the waters while getting started on the paperwork. I figured if she was lucid for a few minutes and did want the alarm I had better be prepared.
“So you can talk to cops or whoever through the system…do you want it?” I quickly asked, before the entire conversation was lost in the abyss.
“Sure I do! It sounds great!” She replied, as I silently celebrated as I asked for her information. About halfway thorough the paperwork she got up to go to the kitchen, and I decided I’d better expedite the process if I wanted to make this work. I downed the two waters sitting in front of me just in time for her to hand me a third as she asked “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I began to speed through my pitch only to have her exit once more to the kitchen. I quickly dumped my third into a nearby plant as she exited and waited patiently for my 4th glass of water.
“Now, what are you—“ I cut her short and went straight into it.
“It’s a security alarm, do you want it?” I asked bluntly, to which she surprisingly said yes. We finished the paperwork and I called our main office to schedule the technician to come out and install the alarm before she forgot about it again. I wanted things to go quickly before she walked into the kitchen for more water and took my sale with her. In my haste to get things done so quickly I neglected to realize the dreaded confirmation call…a call between the office and the customer to make sure I had explained everything properly and there was no surprise when the customer was billed $45 a month from now. I cringed as I turned to hand the old woman the phone to see her offering me another glass of water.
“Hello?” She spoke into the receiver as I sipped on what felt like the 10th gallon of water I had drank in that home. I listened inconspicuously to the conversation, only to hear her ask “now what is this for again?” I hung my head in agony over the 45 minutes I had just wasted pushing this sale on this poor old woman, when she responded “well I’ve always wanted one of those! That sounds fabulous!” I looked up in shock as she agreed to all the charges and she handed the phone back to me. I quickly hung up as our installer arrived, and sure enough he was greeted by a glass of cold water and an inquisitive old lady, who wondered “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?” I quickly informed her she had purchased an alarm system and slipped out the door before any objections could be raised.
I wish the story ended there, me with a sale and an old lady with a direct line to a police and ambulance dispatcher, but her son, who doubled as her caretaker, arrived home moments before the installation was complete. He swore up and down and me, claiming I had taken advantage of an old woman who didn’t know what was going on. To my credit, she actually defended us and didn’t care what she had bought, “I’ve got all the money in the world and these nice boys can take it for all I care.” Unfortunately, seconds after this statement, she handed me a glass of water and asked “Now, what are you doing out on a day as hot as this?”
Thus ended my life as a door-to-door salesman.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Shots Fired
Scott and I take turns writing each week. So, if you are dying to hear the rest of Scott's story, you're going to have to wait till next week when it's his turn again.
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Kansas City has some pretty bad neighborhoods and a high crime rate. Because of the nature of our product, the high crime rate is our friend and those neighborhoods are some of our best selling areas.
I had just finished the paperwork for a family that was very happy to be getting a new security system in the next few hours. I said my good-byes and opened the front door. As I stepped onto the front porch I saw a guy sprint between the two houses just feet from me. I watched him go by and jump the fence at the rear of the ally. “Only in KC,” I thought. I turned back toward the street to see two police officers in chase about fifteen steps behind the thug that just ran past.
“HE’S GOING EAST, HE’S GOING EAST!!!” the second one yelled into the radio.
“Wow, I’ve never seen a police chase in real life before,” I thought. I looked around hoping to see some video cameras from the show COPS. No such luck.
I made my way down to the street and looked toward the next house on my list. There was a police car blocking the intersection at the end of the street. I turned around and saw the same thing at the other end. This was a bigger deal than I thought. A squad car quickly pulled up to me and an officer jumped out.
“What’d you see?” he asked. This was going better than my last encounter with police here. (See “Cuffed and Stuffed in Raytown, MO”)
“I’m a salesman. I came out of that house,” I pointed. “Black guy, maybe 5’ 10”, 165 pounds, white shirt and jeans. Both about five sizes too big for him. The dude ran between those houses. I think he went up the street that way after he jumped the fence.” I pointed again.
“Thanks,” he yelled as he ran off. Just then a blue police helicopter came swooping in. The skids were almost touching the tree tops and one guy was hanging half way out pointing at things and looked to be talking on a radio.
This was getting cooler and cooler. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who thought so. Half the people on the block had made their way outside to see the spectacle. At that point I wished I had been a popcorn salesman, I would have made a ton of money.
Moments later, I saw the thug jump a fence into the front yard a couple houses down. He looked around for a second, and then jumped back over the fence. More cops were showing up now as were neighborhood spectators.
“This guy doesn’t have a chance,” I muttered.
POP!……..POP! I recognized the sound of gunshots.
Just as quickly as it had arrived, the helicopter peeled off and flew away. People left their front yards. Several police cars drove off… It was over.
Two guys dressed the same as the thug were standing about ten feet from me.
“That was Tyrone,” I overhead one say.
“He dead,” the second remarked nonchalantly as they walked off.
I watched as the scene continued to die down. It was interesting to see the reaction of the thug’s buddies, or hommies, or whatever. Made it seem like a common occurrence.
I continued to knock on doors. My thinking was that after a police chase through a neighborhood, EVERYONE would want a security system. I came to realize that such a common occurrence desensitizes people to crime and that, for whatever reason, a police shooting in someone’s backyard doesn’t translate into neighbors buying from me.
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